Poor America
by ProfessorDumbleBrows
Summary: So it was the World Meeting once again, this time held in England. But... Things went wrong. Actually, insane! Contains: CRACK CRACK CRACK! Disney and Spongebob. Crack. Randomness. Writing that makes no sense... Is told from America's POV!


**A/N: This was actually a dream! Slept for 15 hours and this is what I dreamed of! Never, ever, listen to Disney songs while looking at Hetalia pictures, while eating ice cream! LOL**

**Contains: CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK... Did I mention Crack?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any lyrics, show use, or Hetalia or Disney. Though owning Hetalia would be freaking awesome!**

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><p><strong>Poor America...<strong>

"Do we really have to do this, England?" France asked as he sat back in his chair.

It was currently near the end of the world meeting held in England this month. The last person was England himself and he stood in front of the whiteboard, a smug smile on his lips. He quickly scowled at France's question soon after it was asked.

"Yes you do! You all do!" England said fiercely.

"But En –" I started but was soon cut off by the person he was going to question.

"America! Shut up! The meeting is held in my country this time, so I feel its fair." England said, scowling more.

The other nations began mumbling and cursing under their breaths about how much of an ass England was being. But he didn't care, he didn't care at all. All he wanted was a quick laugh for himself.

"Is everyone ready?" He said, once again smiling.

Mumbles and sounds of agreement were heard.

"Are you ready, Nations?" England yelled out.

"Aye aye, England..." All the countries yelled in unison unenthusiastically.

"I can't hear you!"

I right away stood up from my chair and yelled out loudly, "THEN CLEAN YOUR DAMN EARS OLD MAN!"

"GO BURN IN HELL, AMERICA!" England yelled back, slamming his hands on the table.

"I WAS ALREADY IN HELL WHEN WE YELLED OUT AYE AYE!" I replied.

"That's it! We're starting over!" England said. Everyone groaned in response, growing more angry as the meeting grew longer for no good reason.

"Are you ready, Nations?"

"Aye aye, England..."

"I can't hear you!"

I bit my tongue to avoid cursing England out as everyone said loudly, "Aye Aye, England...!"

"Ooooooh!" England sang. "Who lives in Great Britain and is a Nation?"

"United Kingdom of Great Britain..." Everyone said, annoyance in their voices.

"A tea lover and free as can be?"

"United Kingdom of Great Britain..."

"The most fe –" England started the next course but was cut off when a tomato impacted against his face, causing him to fall over.

"Buono Tomato, BITCH!" Romano yelled out before grabbing Spain by the back of his shirt and dragging him out of the conference room. Everyone's eyes followed the two out then confused expressions all struck their faces.

'_What just happened?_' They all thought.

"Well... Now that England's taken care o –" I started but was suddenly cut off when Spain ran back into the conference room, sprinting as Romano chased after him.

It took a few seconds, but soon all the other nations began hearing loud and clear what Spain was singing...

"_Come on, vámonos. Everybody let's go. Come on, let's get to it. I know that we can do it!_"

"Spain! Shut the fuck up! I hear that enough already, I don't need someone who actually speaks Spanish to start singing that!" I cried out.

"Spain, out of all the songs? Really? Not awesome..." Prussia said, facepalming while France was snickering.

"It seems his other side came out!" France said.

"Other side?" Prussia asked, lifting a silver eyebrow.

"Oui. You see... When Spain is surrounded by –"

France was interrupted when China suddenly jumped on the table and clasped his hands together. He tilted his head down shyly and began singing, "_A girl can bring her family. Great honor in one way. By striking a good match. And this could be the day._"

"Oh GOD, someone crossed into Disney now! China stop! Don't sing songs from Mulan!" I cried out again, flailing my hands around.

England was still unconscious. With a tomato. Splattered. Next to his head. And all over his face.

"If another person breaks out in song from a children's show or a Disney movie, I'm gonna smack them!" I said, pinching the bridge of my nose.

The room was quiet all of a sudden. Even the singing nations stopped singing, even stopped moving – which left Spain hugging Romano and China in midair as he was jumping of the table.

Japan suddenly broke out in song, singing the Pokemon theme song to season one. "I wanna be... THE VERY BEST! THAT NO ONE EVER WAS!"

"GOD DAMN IT, JAPAN!" I groaned. Normally I was the random and hyper one, but this was insane. I just wanted to go back home and get some sleep since the two nights before the meeting I stood up, playing Left4Dead and missed out on two nights of sleep.

"POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH'EM ALL!" Japan continued singing.

"You're lucky I like Pokemon, dude..." I mumbled as Japan finished and sat back down in his seat, acting as if nothing happened.

"Okay, anyone else wanna break out in song that comes from a movie, show, or game that was based on or made in your country?" I asked, sarcastically.

"OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KIIIIING!" Prussia began blaring out lyrics.

"Prussia! That's not your country!" Germany yelled out, smacking the back of his brother's head.

"_Mein Gott!_ I know it's not my country. It's still true though!" The albino grinned.

England woke from his unconsciousness and jumped on top of the table. He ripped off all his clothing, only leaving his Union Jack boxers on, and yelled out, "ALL HANDS ON DECK AND ALL MOUTHS ON DI –"

The British personification stopped talking when France leaped onto him and tackled him onto the floor, his french laughter erupting from his vocal cords.

Meanwhile, in the corner of the room. Five Nordic countries all glared at the other countries before looking at each other. Norway and Iceland locked eyes before Iceland said, "Wanna make some Nordic-cest?"

Norway shrugged and tackled his brother onto the ground, kissing him fiercely. Denmark's jaw dropped opened as his eyes widened, making noises that sounded like he couldn't breathe. Finland covered his puppy's eyes and Sweden covered his wife's eyes. But no one covered Sweden's eyes... Because he's too damn unscarrable! And YES THAT'S A WORD (no it's not... it's not!). Sealand would have covered his eyes, but he wasn't there. Because he's not a nation. Ha... HA. HAHAHAHAHAHA! ...Denmark fainted, landing on Iceland's puffin. The puffin squawked in desperate need of help.

Off to the other side of the room, Poland was painting Lithuania's nails a bright pink that could hurt anyone's eyes. Except Poland. Because Poland is a girl. Yeah, I bet you didn't know that! Lithuania's eye was twitching from the color, but he decided not to say anything.

Russia was still sitting where he was. Just sitting... and smiling. Like a creeper... A fucking happy creeper. With a sunflower in his hand. WHERE THE HELL DID HE GET THAT FROM?

I still have no idea why I was in this room. I could have just walked out the door. Or jumped out the window, because that is way more awesome and HEROIC! Fuck yeah! Nothing says "HERO" like jumping out of a window of the last floor of a ten story building!

China and Spain finally broke out of their long as hell freeze-frame. China fell on the floor with a thud and Spain... Well Spain just kept hugging the crap out of Romano. HEY! Romano was representing my country! His face was red, then white, now blue! Wait... Romano hates me. And I don't think blue is a normal skin color. Oh well, that's Spain's problem!

In the middle of the room stood Germany and Italy. Italy was waving around a white flag while Germany was holding rope and eying the Italian like some meal. I don't even WANT to know what that German freak had in store for cute, annoying Italy.

I still wonder... Why the fuck am I still in here? For once, I'm the normal one! Maybe I can get Sealand to take my place here. Nah, he was probably busy somewhere else. Busy being... Sealand. Probably bothering one of England's brothers. Maybe... Uh... What's his name... Whales? YEAH! That's it! Whales! I had a pet whale once. But Antarctica ate him. Bastard.

I snapped out of my thoughts and from the corner of my eye I saw Switzerland and Japan skipping around and singing that weird song from that episode. The one that went "yo tra la la" or something like that. Weirdos...

I was getting tired. And hungry. When I get back to America I'm sooooo going to McDonalds and ordering myself like... 50 Big Macs. Awwww yeeeeeah, I can't wait now! I grabbed my sweater and ran to the door, mouth watering already from the thoughts of those delicious hormone induced slabs of cow and unknown meat called hamburgers. But I stopped. I stopped walking, stopped right in front of the door. It didn't... It didn't feel right.

I suddenly sprinted towards the window – jumping over the two naked brother nations on the floor (NORDIC-CEST!) - and jumped out the window. You see, that would have word out great... IF I DID FUCKING TRIP OVER DENMARK AND SPUN OUT THE WINDOW. I flew out the window and landed in a tree. I got tangled up in the branches and stopped falling. So yeah... I was stuck. In a tree. With a room full of insane nations five stories away from where I was. And crap, I think my cell phone landed on Denmark's face.

I looked up at the window to see Denmark rubbing his face and holding something square. Yeah, it landed on his face. Serves that Dane right! Prussia walked over to Denmark and grabbed the phone from his hand. After look it over, he laughed and threw it out the window.

THANK YOU ALBINO FREAK!

I shrugged within the branches and extended my hand so I can catch the falling phone. I ended up slipping through the branches and hung upside down, not catching the device, and it fell. Right pass me. And landed on the sidewalk, smashing into a billion of tiny electronic pieces.

FUCK YOU ALBINO FREAK!

Now I was upside down, cold, IN A TREE, and lonely. At night. HAHAHA! I'M ROMANIA NOW! TAKE THAT YOU BLOOD SUCKER!

...Man this is boring. I yawned, closed my eyes, and fell asleep. Yup. Just like that. Upside down and all...

**THE NEXT MORNING :D**

I groaned when I felt a branch sticking up my ass and the sun beaming on my face. I sat up and found myself laying down on a bush. Naked! I got up – removing that annoying branch – and looked at my body. I was naked and written all over! Everyone's name was all over my body. Every countries' name was marked on any part of my body. Then, a thought struck me. And I did not like that thought at all.

I quickly looked down at my lower region and horror stuck my face. England's name was written on my dick. ON MY FUCKING MANHOOD! DUDE NOT COOL! I looked up at the tree and saw my sweater still hanging on the branch. After jumping at it for nearly ten minutes, I finally got it and wrapped it around the front of me. So you know, my manhood would be cover. Then I made a sprinting dash, making sure no one saw me.

**Meanwhile... (Author's P.O.V.)**

I was sitting down on a bench in the park, writing a new fan fiction in my notebook. I was laughing at the ridiculous idea of America being normal and all the other countries being insane. Of course, I focused mostly on my favorite characters, but I did feature one or two other characters. Gotta keep it fair of course. I looked up from my notebook and saw a blond, practically naked male, running pass me. I saw his arse was bare and had writing on it.

"WAIT!" I called out. He ignored me and continued sprinting. "THERE'S WRITING ON YOUR BUTT! And back... And arms... I guess he knew that... But I wonder. Who the heck would write 'THIS BELONGS TO ARTHUR' on his bottom... Poor sap!" I shrugged and continued writing my story.

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><p><strong>AN: ...I love this. XD**

**By the way, that whole "ALL HANDS ON DECK AND ALL MOUTHS ON DI -interruption-" is my idea. :D**

**Hope you peoples enjoyed reading. If not, then too bad!**

**Ciao~**


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